There are certain periods of time, sometimes just a day or
two, sometimes weeks stretching into months, where things feel stagnant and not
in a good way. Life, kids and
relationships can seem to wear you down rather than build you up and you then
feel very small and lonely. These times
are what I call the Mommy-Wall. Intervals
that are hard but you have to keep telling yourself that this too, shall pass—and
some days this is harder than others to accomplish, especially when you’re in a
long stretch of unhappiness or difficulty.
Most of the time, the Mommy-Wall has sneaked up on me,
catching me off guard. With the birth of my first child, the sleep deprivation
got to me after about six months—she still was not sleeping through the night and
between that and working part time it hit me like a ton of bricks. I remember saying to my husband “If she doesn’t
start sleeping more consistently, I’m moving out!” Around 7 months, she began sleeping a large
stretch steadily, and I hurdled over the Wall and kept on trucking. When I look back, I guess the description of
the Mommy-Wall is equivalent to that of burn-out—which I have felt at various
times in my life, as I am sure you have as well. When these burnout periods occur, I find
myself trying to change my course in order to remedy the negative feelings that
are plaguing my day-to-day life.
However, most of the time it is a short-lived phase. Little kids
generally have little problems but even those little problems make me question
my sanity and often make me question my morals and so-called parenting style. Society has moved towards labeling everything
and then somehow makes you feel guilty for faltering on your ideals (Fact: kids don’t
give a flying-eff about your “ideals” and what worked one day might not work the
next and what works for one child obviously will not have an impact the other). Truth is though, life is constantly flowing
and changing and being adaptable is what has allowed us to survive this
long.
At times, my biggest challenge is to focus more on the good
moments than bad. Throughout the stages of raising one child to 2.5 years
before the addition of another, there have been various times where I thought “Seriously…I
cannot do this one. more. day” (had one of these moments yesterday, in fact,
when dealing with potty training the threenager and trying to get her to poop
in the damn potty). It is those times
where you realize how easy it is to be lost in the throes of parenting and to feel
that you are a speck in the ocean of daily life. As a healthcare professional, I find myself feeling
guilty during these tougher times because in truth, my tough times are not
tough at all in comparison to others. The
kids are healthy, family is healthy, we have food on the table, and we can
afford cars, gas and luxuries like heat/ac. However, a wise person once told me
that if it makes me feel a certain way that I should not feel as though my
feelings are irrelevant. Having
perspective is good---keeping reality in the rear-view is a good way to
operate. For now, my goal is making it
to bedtime alive and hopefully with a smile on everyone’s face, and that’s okay.
Stay tuned—the Potty Training Perils post is coming!
